Monday, August 23, 2010

I've been skydiving for the past 4 years.

Since coming to Idaho my life has seemed to become so simple. I enjoy every sunset. I read books. I eat food. I spend time with people (not as much as I should). I walk around the greenbelt. I have time to sit still. I can do nothing if I want. And for the first time since... who knows how long..I haven't worried about anything. I can honestly say I have no stress. And it is WONDERFUL!

I feel like my life is a skydiving trip:
Going through school was the ride up 13,000 feet. When I first took off, I didn't really think that the plane ride would ever end, that maybe I would be ready to jump out of the plane while going up, eventually. The closer I got to the actual drop, the more nervous I started to feel. The anticipation of graduation was exciting and terrifying. School is easy, there is a goal and you know it's going to end, someday. That day came. I jumped out of the plane with my parachute whether I was ready or not. I knew that once I got on that plane, I would have to jump out but I don't think I ever expected it to come so fast. The first few seconds of free falling was horrible. I went from sitting still, comfortable, to feeling sick, my stomach in my throat, I felt sure I was going to throw-up right then and there. I almost couldn't handle such a big change in scenery, in surroundings, in atmosphere, in life. It only took a few seconds to get used to it. I still get motion sickness sometimes (especially lately..I think it has something to do with the concussion I got a few weeks ago) when I think about having to land somewhere. But when I live in the exact second, not looking ahead or behind, nothing can take the calming feeling away from me. I'm just enjoying the ride. I know that I have to land somewhere eventually, but I'd rather live in a naive, blissful state while I can because I know that there won’t ever be another time in my life exactly like right now. I'm going to enjoy every second I can, suspended in the middle of what I've always known and what's going to surprise me no matter what happens.

You know what; I'm ready for anything that life has to throw at me. I've always said that I can be happy anywhere. I'm happy in Idaho right now. I'm happy when I go to work. I'm happy when I go home and play. I'm happy when I go to Salt Lake and visit friends and family. I'm happy when I go back to Southern Utah to see friends and family. I'm happy because I can be, because I choose to be. I don't know what my Heavenly Father has planned for me but I'm confident that it's the best plan. Whatever he decides to give me, I'll take it, and I’ll run with it. And I'll be happy. I hope I have faith enough to live up to his expectations.

I feel like the song "The Show" by Lenka

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The light at the end of the tunnel isn't so promising

I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and when I came out, there must have been a solar eclipse because there's not too much light coming my way. but you know what, I did it. I graduated. My school career is over for now and I can move on to bigger and better things.

These things include:
Becoming a working woman-- I sent out probably 80 applications and I got 1 response, I guess one is all you need because I got a job at Idaho National Lab. This would be wonderful if I had something to do at work other than reading articles for 6 hours a day and the other 3 hours counting the ceiling tiles, listening to this one guy laugh like he's coming to get me, and making friends with the robot mail cart. I'm hoping that they will actually start the supposed 'project' that I'm working on so I can actually have something to do.

Making new friends-- This one is hard because I hate small talk and I have the exact same conversation with every single person I meet 15 TIMES A DAY. It goes something like this:
"Hi, I'm _______, what's your name?"
"Hey, I'm Sharna?"
"...?? Shaa?"
"OOH OK! (i.e.: I still have no idea what your name is)" "Soo where are you from?"
"I'm from Denver(ish)." "What about you?"
"I'm from _______ (some town in Idaho that no one has ever heard of)."

"Great, so what are you doing in Idaho Falls?"
"I have an internship at Idaho National Lab this summer."
"Wow, so what are you doing for your internship?"
"I'm working on synthetic biofuels, ::glazed over looks incur:: The project I'm working on basically takes biomass like wood or any organic material and creates a more condensed version that is can be used for fuel just like coal. (Sorry, you asked)"
"That sounds really interesting (No it doesn't)" "So what are you studying to do something like that."
"I just graduated from SUU, in Cedar City, with an Integrated Engineering degree."
I try to condense as much information as possible so that it's harder for people to ask these questions, so I can talk about anything but this. It's like a little game I play.
"What is Integrated Engineering?"
And on it goes, one horribly identical conversation after the other, talking to people I don’t know, about things they don’t care about and won’t remember even if they did."
That's why I hate meeting new people. It's always the same. I would rather find out who people are, and not just what they do.

Playing the ukulele-- yeah, so what if I’m the trendy kind, I like it. The best part is that I didn’t have to buy one yet (I know Nick would kill me if I tried to steal his little baby). So I can pretend to play and when I feel accomplished enough that I could justify a purchase of such a precious instrument I will gladly do so. Until then, I'll rival in free things.

Wearing a Jean Jacket-- I recently purchased a favorite gem from DI last week and have worn it just about every day since then. I think it's a wise purchase, I feel like a jean jacket says, "I’m kind of cold, but I don’t need a REAL jacket, just a light one will do," as well as, "I know the 90's were horrible and painful but let’s face it, the jean jacket is the only good thing that came out alive." The only thing that is one of my pet peeves is when people wear jeans with a jean jacket (and I'm the one who keeps doing it!) So, as long as I can keep my own rule, I still say, good buy.

FINALLY reading Atlas Shrugged-- Jona and I started reading it last summer. I got to page 40, which felt like page 122 because it was exceptionally boring, and I have since started reading again from the beginning since I love torturing myself I figured it couldn't hurt to read it again. I am now at the same place I left off; it only took me 1 day this time compared to the month it took last summer to get to the same spot. I better not be disappointed this time.

Sister time!-- Since moving to Idaho Falls, I have definitely taken advantage of my sisters being 20 minutes away and I think that has been my favorite thing so far. I never get to see them so it's awesome being so close!

Monday, April 5, 2010

With procrastination, nothing comes fast enough

Yeah, so what if I haven't written on this blog in like...uh..a year. I actually really do have really funny things to say that everyone is dying to read and will appreciate. AND, I'm doing better than Allicat on blog posting but shes on a misson soo there's that. small accomplishments.
Well, this whole school experience is quickly coming to a close, just not soon enough. I've tried to stay motivated but its actually really hard to go to class when your taking a senior design class that never meets, two other classes I have zero interest in attending
and two freshman classes that are a complete waste of time. I'm actually really glad I waited to take them until my last semester because I have more motivation knowing that if I don't pass them I would feel completely worthless. Good goal to keep an eye on: Don't end up becoming completely worthless by having to retake freshman classes after 'graduation'. I can count writing a blog 'writing my paper' for English 2010, right? yes. and you know what, it doesn't ever make graduation come any faster.