Monday, August 23, 2010

I've been skydiving for the past 4 years.

Since coming to Idaho my life has seemed to become so simple. I enjoy every sunset. I read books. I eat food. I spend time with people (not as much as I should). I walk around the greenbelt. I have time to sit still. I can do nothing if I want. And for the first time since... who knows how long..I haven't worried about anything. I can honestly say I have no stress. And it is WONDERFUL!

I feel like my life is a skydiving trip:
Going through school was the ride up 13,000 feet. When I first took off, I didn't really think that the plane ride would ever end, that maybe I would be ready to jump out of the plane while going up, eventually. The closer I got to the actual drop, the more nervous I started to feel. The anticipation of graduation was exciting and terrifying. School is easy, there is a goal and you know it's going to end, someday. That day came. I jumped out of the plane with my parachute whether I was ready or not. I knew that once I got on that plane, I would have to jump out but I don't think I ever expected it to come so fast. The first few seconds of free falling was horrible. I went from sitting still, comfortable, to feeling sick, my stomach in my throat, I felt sure I was going to throw-up right then and there. I almost couldn't handle such a big change in scenery, in surroundings, in atmosphere, in life. It only took a few seconds to get used to it. I still get motion sickness sometimes (especially lately..I think it has something to do with the concussion I got a few weeks ago) when I think about having to land somewhere. But when I live in the exact second, not looking ahead or behind, nothing can take the calming feeling away from me. I'm just enjoying the ride. I know that I have to land somewhere eventually, but I'd rather live in a naive, blissful state while I can because I know that there won’t ever be another time in my life exactly like right now. I'm going to enjoy every second I can, suspended in the middle of what I've always known and what's going to surprise me no matter what happens.

You know what; I'm ready for anything that life has to throw at me. I've always said that I can be happy anywhere. I'm happy in Idaho right now. I'm happy when I go to work. I'm happy when I go home and play. I'm happy when I go to Salt Lake and visit friends and family. I'm happy when I go back to Southern Utah to see friends and family. I'm happy because I can be, because I choose to be. I don't know what my Heavenly Father has planned for me but I'm confident that it's the best plan. Whatever he decides to give me, I'll take it, and I’ll run with it. And I'll be happy. I hope I have faith enough to live up to his expectations.

I feel like the song "The Show" by Lenka